Learning to Love Again
by divergentarcher
Summary: *SPOILERS FROM ALLEGIANT** CHARACTORS AND PLOT BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH NOT ME. Tobias can't get over Tris but after fantasizing a life with her he heads back to Christina's Christmas party to see someone he never thought he would see. Is it really them? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

it has been around two years since what happened and I'm still not completely over Tris. The system had ruined her and she risked her like for all of us, I just wish she would have listened to me... How can I complain though, I would have done it too if it meant saving someone that I cared about.

There are so many things I wish she Was here to explain.

It's Christmas time and I am not in the spirit whatsoever. This time of year always brought sadness to me and not because of the joke Christina always told me And the rest of the group hoping to cheer us up.

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Four," Christina said as her terrible joke. The Merry part was supposed to be the joke. I couldn't be "Merry" even if I tried, I had no Tris Prior next to me.

"Come on, Four, Tris would want you to be happy..."

"You wouldn't know what she would want, Christina. She had a whole other side to her you NEVER saw." I say sourly.

I leave and head to her grave unable to cope with her loss. Sometimes I liked to imagine what would be happening if she were still here and with me.

* * *

**(Tobias imagination)**

"Beatrice!" I call from the bedroom we would be sharing.

She would come in smiling and say, "Yes, Tobias?"

I would laugh, " the bed is cold without you.. Come lay down."

"Fine," she would say coming and laying next to me in the bed, "I miss Caleb," she would say because she let her brother sacrifice himself.

"It's okay. He died a hero."

She would smile sweetly and kiss me softy, like most of our kisses it lasted until both of us could barely breathe.

We would sit there gasping and staring in each others eyes.

"I love you," we would whisper at the same time then smile and have another kiss.

* * *

I snap out of the fantasy then, I hated dwelling on the "could have been" when it came to Tris but I couldn't help it sometimes. She was my pass time.

It probably sounds pretty weird for me to be sitting here explaining how I wanted to kiss a dead girl, no woman, but it was true.

I make it back to the Christmas party just as everyone begins to get drunk.

I can't believe my eyes.

Tris is there.


	2. Chapter 2

Tris was dancing with Christina and laughing. Only, that couldn't be Tris, Tris was dead. When the girl who was pretending to be tris looked at me, she had the same hair and small structure but her eyes were different. This girls eyes were dark brown. She still looked almost exactly like tris.

I made my way over still surprised as ever.

"You must be Tobi-" she starts but Christina stops her by shaking her head, "I mean, you must be Four!" She corrects herself.

"Yeah," I say, "who are you?"

"Tiffany, I'm new to town. I was apart of an experiment in Dallas that had failed."

I nod my head, I still can't believe that she looks almost exactly like Tris. I look at Christina and she nods at me knowing what I was going to ask her.

"You look a lot like someone I used to know, Tiffany," I say looking her over. Everything, with the exception of her eye color, looked like Tris and I couldn't believe it.

* * *

I was soon home, sitting alone. On the mantle of the fire place had a picture of Tris. I normally would stare at it and think of how stupidly brave she could be, but not tonight. Tonight I thought about what she would think looking down on me if I asked Tiffany out.

I couldn't do that though.

It was too soon.

Was it?

Thinking this over gave me a headache so I took some medication and went to sleep.

* * *

_"There is a reason she left them, Lauren," I say,"What is your name?"_

_"Um..." she hesitates as I glance into her eyes._

_"Think about it," I say with a small smile curing up my lips, "you don't get to pick again." _

_"Tris." She says with confidence and a firm voice._

_I smile, unable to resist as Lauren announces Tris to the rest of the group that had formed to watch the jumpers. _

* * *

I jolt awake. I hate having that dream of when I first met Tris. It brings back too many happy memories now that she is gone.

The last thing I said to her burns in my mind.

_"I love you, too," I say, "I'll see you soon."_

I just wish that the next time I had saw her wasn't in her coffin.

* * *

**A/N: quote pages- 1st set: Divergent, page 60**

**2nd set: Allegiant, page 432**


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I wake up to a pounding on my apartment door. Must be Christina.

I go and open it looking like crap. "Yes?"

"Gosh, Four, what have you done with yourself. Good thing your date doesn't start until noon. I have to fix you up, good thing Tiffany got my help last night," she say barging into the apartment.

"I'm not going on a date with Tiffany. She may look like Tris but no one can compare to Tris. She was my soul mate."

"Stop being so sappy. on this date you had better not speak one word about Tris, do you understand me?"

"I can't promise anything..." I say quietly. She apparently takes that and doesn't argue. Suddenly a sad thought comes to my head. I try and push it away but get up, "I can't go one this date, Christina."

"_its okay, Tobias... move on. I'll see you one day." _I hear this in my head. The thought of Tris letting me move on is too big for me to even fathom.

"NO!" I scream covering my ears.

Christina runs over. "Four, it's okay."

* * *

I end up going on the date anyway.

Tiffany looks good, I won't lie.

* * *

She makes it so easy to talk to her and I think I even laughed a few times with her. Surprisingly, I didn't get mad at myself when by the third date we were telling each others jokes and she had come into my life.

One day, she came to my apartment and saw the picture of Tris. The only picture I had. I lied then, "oh, that's my... Um sister, I told you you reminded me of someone."

She smiles again and sits on my lap, "You are so cute. So, what are we doing today?"

"We are going to go to the old airport, here in Chicago. There is this statue that I've heard about."

"Sounds great, Tobias." She says it.

She had just said my name.

i was okay with that too.

* * *

When we get there, I see Caleb.

"Four he-," Caleb says before he sees Tiffany."

If anyone had knew how much I loved Tris, other than herself, it would have been Caleb. the shock on his face was the worst part for me to see. He had the same eyes as Tris did.

"Who's this?" Tiffany asks.

"This is Caleb."

"Who are you?!" Caleb asks.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I got a comment regarding whether Tiffany was actually Tris with just a lost memory, I am sorry to say that is not the case fellow initiates. **

* * *

"I'm Tiffany, Tobias's girlfriend," she smiles as she takes my arm. I can't fathom words at this shock of seeing Caleb. I have a mix of emotions: anger for letting Tris go, sadness knowing he lost the same person he loved that day, and embarrassment of having him look at him like that while he is with Tiffany.

"Tobias, huh? Finally let her call you that? I took Tris what, about a year before that became her name for you. How long have you two been together?" Caleb asks, his Erudite clearly showing.

"Two weeks," I say looking at the ground.

"So, you love her is that it?"

I glance over at Tiffany before saying, "No, not quite yet but I'm learning to love again."

She smirks and holds my arm.

"Two year anniversary is coming up soon... You coming?" Caleb asks

"Maybe, we can talk about this some other time."

"She was your girlfriend! You have to come! You _love her."_

Tiffany looks at me shocked.

"Yes, I lied, Tiffany. The picture was my ex-girlfriend. Yes, I loved her."

"So you don't anymore? After all that? Should hav known," Caleb says getting up and leaving.

Suddenly I wasn't in the mood to have this date anymore. I wanted to go home, alone, and stare at the picture of Tris. Stare at it then scream at her grave about how stupid she was to go in there.

* * *

Eventually, i it home alone. Then there is a knock on the door, it's David. The one person who had shot my happiness but could never remember because his mind was erased, or reset as I like to call it.

"What do you want, David?" I ask less than thrilled to see him.

"Just thought I would stop by to see how you were doing. I mean Two years is coming up since your girlfriend... Bit the dust."

"Yeah, too bad I'll never know who killed her," I say hating the fact that I had to pretend it wasn't him.

"heard you had a new girlfriend too, she's a looker. A lot like Tris."

I just nod as hot tears come to my eyes. To be honest, I had almost forgot about Tris dying two years ago. She is pulling me back to her without even knowing; I hate thinking about her being buried and decaying, so I don't. I think of the could have been sand the what-ifs.

The next night, I tell Tiffany I'm doing something with a couple friends and she gets huffy, no that is an understatement, she throws a tantrum.

"You don't like me anymore is that it, Tobias?" She accuses.

"No, I just have to go visit someone tonight with a few friends."

"Who are you visiting and why can't I come?"

"I'm visiting my dead ex girlfriend. Okay?"

"Fine."

That was probably the worst thing she could have said.


	5. Chapter 5

Seeing her grave again brought back memories... Good ones and bad ones. Climbing the Ferris Wheel was the first thing that popped in my head.

_I see Tris leave, I follow to keep an eye on the new initiate. _

_"Tris," I say in a low voice not wanting to draw attention from unwanted people. _

_"Yes?" I hear her say as she looks at me through the darkness._

_"I came to find out what you think you are doing."_

_"I'm seeking higher ground," she says, "I don't think I'm doing anything." _

_I smile and hope she can see it before saying, "All right. I'm coming."_

_"I'll be fine." _

_"Undoubtedly," I say trying to sound sincere, she at least deserves that._

_As we climb a few feet from the ground my nerves kick in, I hate heights._

* * *

I smile to myself and set a flower on the ground in front of the stone. She thought it was strange how I was afraid of heights. Later, when I had taken her through my fear landscape she had understood all four fears, she knew my real name by my last fear.

Marcus was the signal, she knew I was Tobias Eaton after that and refrained from calling me Tobias until, basically, when the factions split, that is when I noticed it anyway.

Seeing the scripted stone made me think about how bad Tiffany is compared to Tris.

Tris was smart and dumb at the same time, the six fears was a plus, though I think I was one of those fears. Tris understood me, she knew about Marcus and everything else that is didn't need to explain. Tris knew ME.

Not this new me that I was just trying to pull off for my friends.

but,

ME.

She could always make me smile. I looked up to the heavens after a while and closed my eyes whispering, "Tris, I'me coming."

* * *

I went by Tiffany's house to break up with her. I was ready to go see Tris, my Beatrice.

I then went home and began to think of ways to go to her that would not show cowardice or self indulgence.

I couldn't thing of any.

All I wanted to do was die.

Would Tris even want me if i killed myself?

she died a hero, I don't want to die a coward.

all I know is I need to see her, even if it's in heaven.

* * *

**A/N: Quote pages:**

**Divergent, 141-142**


	6. Chapter 6

Christina finds me. I'm holding the gun... The gun that killed Tris. I look at her dead in the eyes.

"Shoot me," I say.

"Four, you have got to be kidding me. Why did you break up with Tiffany?"

"Because I realized Tris is my one and only, Plus if I want someone to kill me I wouldn't want to be in a relationship."

"I'm not going to shoot you or kill you."

Fine.

"I'll do it. I need Tris."

"Go ahead. Be a coward... What is it that you told us?"

* * *

_I had seen Tris with Will that day and felt jealous but didn't care. If she was happy I should have been too. _

_The next morning Eric comes to get me about an initiate who died._

_"I swear, if one of the dauntless born tried-" I start but Eric cuts me off._

_"NO, we think he jumped into the Chasm."_

_That shuts me up, we are one of the first few people here and I get two guys help to Hoist his body up._

_Eric gets up on a box and tries to shut everyone up as I stand there looking at Tris talking to her half drunk "friends"._

_"Thank you," he says after most everyone quieted, "As you know, we are here because Albert, an initiate, jumped into the chasm last night."_

_Everyone is looking at him._

_"We do not know why, and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not chose a life of ease when we became Dauntless."_

_Eric is smiling and i can't believe him for doing that. _

_I leave as he calls Al courageous._

_ I see Tris wander off and I follow._

_"Tris," I say a few feet away from her._

_She jumps and I smile a little before she turns around._

_"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be paying your respects?" She asks me._

_"Shouldn't you?" I ask and step to her._

_she tells me she didn't have any respect to give. I don't believe her._

_She says, "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric is calling it brave? Eric, who tried to throw knives at Al's head? He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"_

_She has a point._

* * *

"That was Tris's words. Now kill me or im going to do it."

"Go ahead," She says walking out.

I bring the gun up to my head and get ready to fire. I grab the picture of tris and kiss it.

"I'm coming," I whisper then pull the trigger.

All that happens next,

BLACK

* * *

**Quote page:**

**Divergent, 301-309**


	7. Chapter 7

_Bright light is all that happens to catch my eyes._

_People used to say that dying was like going into the unknown._

_When the spirit leaves the body where does it go?_

_Here is my answer: to the one you love._

* * *

I look up and see her with a small smirk played across her face.

"Why are you here, Tobias? You could have lived for both of us."

"Beatrice, I'm sorry, I couldn't stand it without you."

"I love you, you crazy and stupid boy," She says helping me up.

"I love you too, you stupid and crazy girl," I say kissing her.

* * *

**A kiss in heaven is the best kiss I have ever had.**

**-Tobias**


End file.
